Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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