..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
