were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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