i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
