I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Someone signed my nipple.
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