And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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