lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
