marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
