so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
