I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
