I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He shit in the fireplace
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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