why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
