Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
