Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
