i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
