I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
