I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
