I smell stomach acid.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
