You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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