In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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