im having a threesome with these popsicles
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Farmville is her only friend.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
