i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
