someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Define "chronic" masturbator.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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