John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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