I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
