Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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