i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
