I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
