He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
