I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
