Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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