An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
