NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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