i think my tv is drunk
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
