I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
