One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I sprained my soul last night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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