Yo dont text me then not text me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
