Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
