herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
