No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
