I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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