There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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