Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
