just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Found your dick twin last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
