I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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