my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
