So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
