he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
