she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
