at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
