U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
