Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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