Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
