Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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