I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
